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Laura Bush's horse joke - Ambar
May 3rd, 2005
10:46 am

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Laura Bush's horse joke
(Reposted from elsewhere)

Okay, now that I've read the horse joke, I am astonished at all of you (and John Tierney, who wrote an op-ed in the NYT and is probably related to me). This is not a sophisticated joke about horse phalluses, or subtle reference to bestiality. This is a plain old city slicker comes to the country joke; they are as old as cities. Country people raise animals, remember? Animals are notoriously bad at observing anyone's rules about appropriateness of sexual behavior or genital display other than their own. Which is why city folk neuter their dogs.

Sheesh. Urbanites.

Current Mood: amusedamused

(18 comments | Leave a comment)

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From:lyonesse
Date:May 3rd, 2005 06:19 pm (UTC)
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what i really now are some good, sophisticated jokes about horse phalluses.
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From:ambar
Date:May 3rd, 2005 06:24 pm (UTC)
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Don't ask me -- I don't think I've ever heard any. :-) The closest I can get is the kind of stories horse breeders tell after they've tended their rope burns. (I've written a few in this vein myself, but I don't have the links handy.)

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From:bumblepudding
Date:May 3rd, 2005 06:30 pm (UTC)
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Now, what are horses, again? Are they the things that look like they have masks on their faces? Or the big rat-like beasties?
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From:ambar
Date:May 3rd, 2005 06:40 pm (UTC)
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Probably the latter. See this.
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From:spenceraloysius
Date:May 3rd, 2005 08:12 pm (UTC)
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The link doesn't work. AOL can't find that page!
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From:ambar
Date:May 4th, 2005 05:19 am (UTC)
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It found it for me this morning. You can substitute any snapshot of a horse-drawn carriage on a modern city street, though.
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From:cat_herder
Date:May 3rd, 2005 06:35 pm (UTC)
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Thanks for posting that. Laura Bush's speech was very funny, well written.

I saw a shire horse get excited at a county fair last year. Whoa. I haven't see anything that large since I visited the beluga whale tank at the Coney Island Aquarium in the 1970s. What amazes me is that the horse is just standing there looking totally calm and has this huge woody. You gotta wonder what got him going. The cotton candy machine? The gaggle of Red Hat ladies? The tree over by the parking lot?
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From:ambar
Date:May 3rd, 2005 06:45 pm (UTC)
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I have been assured that nothing more dramatic than the blowing of the breeze is required to get a male animal going.

Palisades, now, is unusual in my experience for actually ejaculating while being groomed (and I was paying no attention to the state of his penis, at least until he startled me by lurching forward.)
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From:cat_herder
Date:May 3rd, 2005 08:45 pm (UTC)
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Well that sounds like a nice, gentle way to do AI on horses. Give the sire a good brushing and have someone standing by with a clean, empty jar.

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From:ambar
Date:May 4th, 2005 05:22 am (UTC)
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The point is, he's unusual. I've groomed a lot of stallions and he's the only one I've ever had do that. AI in horses usually requires a phantom mare, an artifical vagina (Google that) and some way to keep the sperm in the ejaculate at a nice steady 37C so they don't curl up their microscopic tootsies and pine for the fjords while you're evaluating, extending, packing, and shipping.
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From:ambar
Date:May 3rd, 2005 06:41 pm (UTC)
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But that is why city folks throw buckets of water on mating dogs.

I've never seen that done, city or country. But I've never seen a country dog humping a visitor's leg. City dogs, on the other hand...
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From:sierra_nevada
Date:May 3rd, 2005 06:53 pm (UTC)
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God bless agribusiness and technology: we now have only 2% of the workforce involved in agriculture, so most of us have little or no idea how it's done.

Now, if judges would simply sentence the members of PETA and ALF to be farm-hands on a working ranch for a year or two...
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From:jss1113
Date:May 3rd, 2005 07:38 pm (UTC)
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If you do milk a male horse, you'll have a friend for life!
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From:xf
Date:May 3rd, 2005 07:54 pm (UTC)
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Aren't there female horses?
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From:jss1113
Date:May 3rd, 2005 08:45 pm (UTC)
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Of course not. All horses are male, and they reproduce asexually. Horse breeders tell you otherwise to make fun of you.

<Waits for ambar to hurt him, a lot>...
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From:tayefeth
Date:May 3rd, 2005 07:49 pm (UTC)
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Yes, but what you get from a male (of any species) isn't what you usually call 'milk'.
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From:ambar
Date:May 4th, 2005 05:38 am (UTC)
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Simson -- I have yet to figure out what makes you think your comments in my journal are welcome, but they are not. Please stop commenting in my journal.

I'd actually prefer you stop reading my journal entirely, but I acknowledge that I don't care enough to go to the effort of making all postings friends-locked, which would solve the problem without depending on your cooperation, which I don't expect to get.


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