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map of the world - Ambar
December 17th, 2001
11:05 am

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map of the world
So I hung a picture this morning. No big deal. I picked it up at a silent auction in October, and it's been sitting on my bureau ever since, waiting to be hung. Today I wanted to clear the bureau, so I picked it up, decided on a nice spot in the kitchen, measured things so it would be centered on the panelling, and it's up. I like it.

But after I hung it, I realized something. Hanging it was not on any of the to-do lists. Instead, I put it on the bureau, and every time my eye fell on the print, collecting dust, I got a guilt jolt: ya gotta hang that picture. It's been there for some six weeks. How much guilt is that? How much stress?

Worse, it multiplies, because I do this all the time. I set myself up so that I can't walk from the bedroom to the laundry room (bent on one errand) without the voices: 'You should' 'Ya gotta' 'Oh, I forgot...!' It gets to the point where I forget what it was I was actually trying to accomplish, with all the distractions.

And it's so much easier to put something down and think "I'll get to it later," rather than putting it away and making a notation on a list so it can be prioritized and done in its time. Apparently putting something away is tantamount to forgetting it, in some low-hanging part of my brain.

There's also the element of "if I don't write this down, I don't actually have to admit to the fact that I have to do it." Sigh. But I just wrote down the item I'm flicking on hardest.

Building good habits. Fucking pain in the ass.

Current Mood: cranky but satisfied
Current Music: Jane Siberry, Child

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From:elflet
Date:December 17th, 2001 03:15 pm (UTC)
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I've done similar things on this article draft -- the procrastination is partly fear of not doing it well "enough", and part (I realized last night) was this is "the last piece" of school and it's been a fun enough ride I'm not sure I want to let go.

Now I have to crawl into bed. We had a wonderful dinner out with work, but it lasted 4 1/2 hours!
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