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'tis the season for self-analysis - Ambar
February 1st, 2002
10:30 pm

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'tis the season for self-analysis
...or something.

I think in my case that it's the result of a collision between spending this past week consulting for Ponte, and taking up with a personal coach. The work at Ponte is giving me a powerful feeling of achievement, of things looking up. Beginning work with Molly is causing me to pull out the goals list and think about what I want. What I really want, that is, as opposed to what I say I want or what other people assume I want or what it feels safe to tell people I want. As always, it's remarkably liberating and a touch scary.

Distinguishing between what I really want and what I think I want is not as simple as I might wish. Take, hmm, "Own a horse farm which operates on a break-even basis," which has been on the goals sheet for years. Now, this is on the list because I love horses and like to spend time with them. Or do I? Yes, Capucine and Petit Point are both out being bred (still! sigh), but I have a perfectly decently trained riding horse right here, Julian. Am I spending time with him? No. Hell, the cats get more time from me than he does, and I know that I am done with the cat showing/breeding routine. The horse-crazy me of age 9, or the horse-training me of 14, simply wouldn't understand it. I'm not sure me at almost-35 understands it, either, but them's the facts.

I spent a couple hours this evening making a divine mess in my kitchen, and was rewarded with lovely slices of duck breast in a pan sauce, plus cracklings from duck skin (and a whole lot of duck fat, safely stored in the fridge), plus duck wings and legs, smeared with mustard and roasted (not quite as successful, but still tasty; I'm just not happy with Atkins Bake Mix as a breading), plus duck stock which should come off the stove now.

The lovely and talented elflet is off to France for a week. And thus, I write.

Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

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From:cjsmith
Date:February 2nd, 2002 10:14 pm (UTC)
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What I really want, that is, as opposed to what I say I want or what other people assume I want or what it feels safe to tell people I want. As always, it's remarkably liberating and a touch scary.

Wow. Sounds like it. Good for you! I wonder what I would see if I opened that Pandora's box. I honestly think I'm a little too scared to peek! You go, girl!
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From:ambar
Date:February 2nd, 2002 10:39 pm (UTC)
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If I don't know what I want, I'm unlikely to set myself up to get it. In that vein, the whole "afraid to ask for what I want" gig I sometimes have going assumes tragicomic proportions.

And knowing makes some decisions so much easier.. Take -- here's an easy one. I wrote, in all seriousness, that I was done with cat breeding. Then I got up the next morning, and looked at one of the items on the infinite to-do list, that being "renew cat-show.com, or let it go". I'd been having trouble deciding. But suddenly it was crystal clear. I don't want to be in cats any more. I don't want to be running fanciers.com, either (but boy, is that a different issue for another time). What's my motive for keeping cat-show.com and/or catshow.com registered? Sheer mangy possessiveness, apparently. So that one got checked off. Someone else can have it.
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From:cjsmith
Date:February 2nd, 2002 10:47 pm (UTC)
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If I don't know what I want, I'm unlikely to set myself up to get it. In that vein, the whole "afraid to ask for what I want" gig I sometimes have going assumes tragicomic proportions.

Amen, sistah. Me too. What you said. BTDT got the T-shirt. (And apparently am still not learning my lesson... wry smile)

I'd been having trouble deciding. But suddenly it was crystal clear.

Amazing, isn't it? I love it when something like that happens.
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From:khyri
Date:February 4th, 2002 12:00 pm (UTC)
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This might sound terribly commercial/tacky/tasteless, but are you really going to let it expire and go up for the person who is fastest to the draw?

As owners of dogshow.com, we get people asking us all the time about catshow.com - some people think we should do a cat show ourselves (no thanks!), others ask if we know how they can start a Virtual Cat Show of their own.

Up until now, our standard response has been "Yes, catshow.com is registered to someone; yes, it does happen to be someone we know; no, I don't think she wants to sell it / go into partnership with you on it".

So, if someone asks us know, should we get them to send you an email?

On the one hand, I know dogshows.com is for sale for $5,000 - on the other, I know the guy's been asking that price for almost 6 years with no takers. But seeing as you have the domains, you might as well consider leveraging that advantage to help pay some bills?
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From:ambar
Date:February 4th, 2002 12:12 pm (UTC)
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I've had exactly one serious inquiry for catshow.com in all the time I've had it. That guy was/is a known jerkoff/PITA to work with, so I quoted him $10K and he sniggered and went away (which was what I wanted).

The only reason I have cat-show.com was that a local (huge!) show decided to do an Internet theme one year, and put cat-show.com on all their flyers in huge print and didn't even bother to register the domain! So I did, so it would at least go *some*where. That's the domain that's about to expire.

If you have some interest in marketing either or both, I'll renew it and split the proceeds with ya. :-) But partly my attitude is the result of being long burned-out on cat-oriented web site hackery, and letting it go without fret, to me, is a bigger upside than hanging onto it for the tiny possibility of an eventual buyer.
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From:elflet
Date:February 4th, 2002 01:03 am (UTC)
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> And thus, I write.

And thus I read, and comment, with great joy. I love you in the best and worst of times, and having lj (and email and AIM) makes the travel much more bearable.

*kisses* for you, O Busy One
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