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gibbering - Ambar
July 31st, 2001
11:03 am

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gibbering
Like the proverbial gibbering thing.

I caught not one but *two* conflicting appointments today. Left a message to cancel the farrier coming tomorrow, because I thought the first of August was a Tuesday (duh!). Untangling August 11 will be more difficult, but I have left messages.

Payday, and the loan check cleared, so I am greatly relieved, and I have done the semi-monthly grand bill-paying (there's something very satisfying about that.)

What I need to do, that I am resisting, is hitch up the trailer and take it to the trailer maintenance folks. This shouldn't be that terrifying. It's not as if there will be any live horses in the trailer. What's the worst that can happen? Well, I could hitch it wrong, and it could jump off and hurl itself into the ditch. Or cause an accident. Or careen into someone's house (I admit that's not likely, given the setbacks around here). "All die. O, the embarrassment."

I know what it is. I've driven the trailer solo, now, but I've never hitched it. And I just can't stand the feeling of being bad at something I need to do.

Current Mood: anxiousanxious

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From:lothie
Date:July 31st, 2001 11:15 am (UTC)
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I don't know if you do that a lot, but I do: I don't want to do something that I haven't done before if it's not perfectly clear that I'll succeed. It can be something like driving somewhere I haven't been before, or making something I haven't made before, or anything like that. I just put it off and put it off.

Good luck with the trailer! By the way I'm working on that time budgeting thing that you suggested, i.e. relegating each activity to its own day.
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From:ambar
Date:July 31st, 2001 11:55 am (UTC)
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I would agree with you in the abstract, but not in the details. ;-) It's a concept I've been groping to clarify, so let me ramble a bit.

Driving new places -- I like driving, it's a low-stress activity. I like driving new places; it means I get to see territory I haven't seen before. I am a fidget about being on time for appointments, so that can play in and get me a bit tense. But with no deadline, I don't mind getting lost, even -- more new territory, and I know the space better so I won't make that mistake again.

new recipes -- I may be overconfident about my cooking skills, or I may just be conservative about trying anything that looks too complicated, but again, I approach these with an experimental frame of mind, not a do or die.

singing -- I like to sing, even though my voice makes trained singers wince. I wouldn't mind singing better, but my ego doesn't hang on the quality (or lack thereof) of my performance.

geekery -- I have a tough time copping to things I don't know, or can't solve, or don't do well -- in the area of my expertise, ie, Unix. I feel no stress at all telling people with Windows issues that I can't help 'em. :-)

horses -- I care passionately about Doing The Right Thing. I have invested a lot of time in learning what this is. Paradoxically, it makes it hard for me to cope with new situations where I don't know what TRT is, because I feel I "should" know, and that's where the guilt and pressure come in.

Huh. I'm not seeing a common thread here. Maybe I'll look again tomorrow.
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From:lothie
Date:July 31st, 2001 12:13 pm (UTC)
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Hmmn. I agree with you about the driving -- it's the deadline that stresses me. Ditto with the cooking.

Ah, and I get stressed about the geekery thing. I'm supposed to know Windows *and* Unix so when something comes up that I don't know, STRESS.

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From:diony
Date:August 1st, 2001 07:40 pm (UTC)
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Horses = responsibility for others rather than responsiblity for oneself?

Where do cats & dogs fit into this? Do or die? (Cats might not be a fair question, given that you've had so much practise with them -- but I guess you've had a lot of practise with horses, too?)
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