I had to tell it my way, and it was more important than sleep, even. (NB posting time on this entry!)
Early afternoon, in the redwood glen with Kawaii and his new Osho Zen tarot deck. I was babbling while he was shuffling the cards, having just sorted through the deck, looking at and discussing all the cards. Then he very formally handed me the shuffled deck.
"And what, my darling, do you want me to do with this?" I was a bit startled (and a bit teasing). Partly it's my habit of not using divination unless I feel in serious need of having my worldview jarred around. And partly it's that the last month has been plenty jarring. :-) Was I ready for another baseball bat to the head, courtesy of the oracles?
I chose to spread out the cards face-down and pull whatever came to the fingers. The very first card:
1. The heart of the matter:Integration
Wham! with the baseball bat. Oh, yes, this is a "serious growth card". It's also a challenge -- am I ready to pull it together? Take the various pulls and enthusiasms and unbalances and discordant beliefs that make up my life and create a wholeness from them?
After this one, I elected to pull the rest face-down and flip over one by one. I needed the break.
2. Internal influence (hidden): Playfulness
Many giggles. I'm still not entirely sure what's meant by the "hiddenness" of the internal influence. I mean, it's being made known to the querent now. But it's certainly clear that playfulness is one of the rivers running under our territory. (Sometimes I think the only time I'm not chuckling about this situation is when I'm being Serious As A Heart Attack[tm]. Sometimes, of course, I'm both at once.)
3. External influence (visible): Adventure
The illustration here is a small child, stepping through a gate in a fence, awash with golden light. What I got out of it is the opening to every fairy tale I can remember where the deserted gate in the garden leads to the magic land on the other side. Yes, I'm stepping into a fairy tale. Yes, this is going to be fun. Don't forget to feed the birds and be kind to the beggars.
4. What is needed for resolution: Awareness
Squack! Put down the baseball bat! I hear you already! (Enough unconscious reacting to things/people/situations that might not even be in the picture any more. Time to do some spiritual work and clean off the heart's glasses. And sit zazen, already; you're going to need it.)
5: Resolution (the understanding): Intensity
That would be my buddy, the "Summit" card, only with fire instead of air as the primary element. (Breathe, Ambar.). And there is just not much else I can say about this.