September 13th, 2003

You must be joking

everything comes and goes, marked by lovers, and styles of clothes

Well, that would be the end of week three of the new job. I am tired. Four hours of sleep is emphatically not enough, especially not enough when repeated for several days in a row, and entirely inadequate for putting in a 14-hour day of which the first half was our own version of a Super Fling Boogie, and the second half was wrestling with hardware. (We threw away, easily, 1000 lbs of outdated manuals, software, hardware, and just plain trash. And I now know more about the scanning priority of the Alphaserver 4100 bus than is good for me.)

The first week or so I was extremely diligent about doing what I needed to do (mostly, completely ignore personal email and LJ) in order to get enough sleep and generally keep things together on yet another version of Ambar's Insane Schedule[tm]. The next couple of weeks, the balance started tipping in the other direction. But this is too far. Normally I would spend Saturday doing all the self-maintenance necessary, and then Sunday would be free for socializing. But I am so wiped out that all I've managed today are grocery acquisition (along with a vet appointment and getting rid of a few CDs), laundry, and a lot of napping. Not yet done (and necessary) are ironing, cat maintenance, weekly review, an hour of house-polishing, homework...

I have a feeling of hitting a wall somewhere, where trying to do everything (even with the best organizational systems I can give myself) will simply no longer work. Some things will have to be given up. There are people who want to see me. There are people I want to see. I just don't know how to fit everything in. And this isn't really about saying no to other people's demands; I want to see them too. Can't hold everything. Must choose.

That sounds thoroughly draggy, which about matches my level of physical energy. The good news? I've found someone to give Fanciers to. Can't wait for that old millstone to be gone and out of my life.

It will be better after I get 8-10 consecutive hours of sleep. Maybe tonight.
  • Current Music
    "Down To You", Joni Mitchell, Court And Spark