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for me no letup, a fizzing human bomb - Ambar
December 7th, 2001
03:44 pm


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for me no letup, a fizzing human bomb
Nothing like staying up until 5am for no good reason to throw schedule, mood, and all thoroughly out of sorts. I actually did wake up at 9am -- who knows how -- and gave myself permission to crawl back into bed. Finally pried myself out at 1pm, telling myself that even if CNet hadn't called, perhaps someone had sent me email, so I had better get up and check it. Nope, no email.

This is, I think, the despair that is the flip side of the hubris. It's manifesting as a profound sensation of powerlessness, inability to effect any change whatsoever. It renders every undone thing that comes to mind into a mocking reminder of my inability to do, well, anything useful, and renders anything I *do* do instantly invisible. (You did the dishes? Yeah, so what? The kitchen's still a mess, and what are you going to do with this not-on-your-diet fruit that last night's guest brought over? -- That kind of dialog.)

Of course, I am the worst possible sort of company in this frame of mind.

Current Mood: morosemorose

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

[User Picture]
Date:December 7th, 2001 04:15 pm (UTC)
:( I worry so...I think about you all the time.
[User Picture]
Date:December 7th, 2001 05:15 pm (UTC)


i know exactly what you're talking about, and i've been there more times than i'd like to think of, or admit to.

it's little consolation to remind you that things change -- like it or not, the planet's turning, and in a few days, this, too, will pass -- at least, the waiting will be over.

[User Picture]
Date:December 7th, 2001 05:18 pm (UTC)
Your description is so apt. I have times that feel JUST LIKE THIS! And then the dialog gets around to kicking myself for not being able to "just snap out of it". Bleagh!
Date:December 7th, 2001 10:33 pm (UTC)

Rubbish. Both pish and tush.

You know, your hubris is entirely warranted, it's just that you're considering it as coming from the wrong source. Your hubris should not come from your job performance, but from your kissing.

Anyone can push buttons. Do you know how few peole kiss the way you do? Yum.

Hugs, luv--

--Scott, from the lower reaches of hell...which he will talk about eventually
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