Ambar (ambar) wrote,

  • Mood:

for me no letup, a fizzing human bomb

Nothing like staying up until 5am for no good reason to throw schedule, mood, and all thoroughly out of sorts. I actually did wake up at 9am -- who knows how -- and gave myself permission to crawl back into bed. Finally pried myself out at 1pm, telling myself that even if CNet hadn't called, perhaps someone had sent me email, so I had better get up and check it. Nope, no email.

This is, I think, the despair that is the flip side of the hubris. It's manifesting as a profound sensation of powerlessness, inability to effect any change whatsoever. It renders every undone thing that comes to mind into a mocking reminder of my inability to do, well, anything useful, and renders anything I *do* do instantly invisible. (You did the dishes? Yeah, so what? The kitchen's still a mess, and what are you going to do with this not-on-your-diet fruit that last night's guest brought over? -- That kind of dialog.)

Of course, I am the worst possible sort of company in this frame of mind.

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