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Lately school is feeling like an enormous drain. I reminded myself,… - Ambar — LiveJournal
November 14th, 2003
09:02 pm


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Lately school is feeling like an enormous drain. I reminded myself, yesterday, that I really wasn't signing up to do school for the rest of my life -- this is just the obstacle in the way of what I want to do with my life. Which felt better, because although I have a reasonable grip in Biology, I'm suffering from the usual consequences of boredom w/r/t Chemistry.

The saga of the camper on the truck continues unabated. Mounts in place, the truck and I went off to Concord to pick up the camper I bought, oh, two months ago -- to find it was 3 inches wider than the bed. No go. The search continues.

My homework for this week (from Molly) is to be measurably kind to myself. Which got me thinking on the way home. When are you, gentle reader, kind to yourself? What does being kind to yourself look like? Do you cast it in terms of kindness, or of greed, or of lack of self-discipline, or something else?

The first thing I have done for this project is make an appointment for Angel-cat with my old vet in Los Altos. I am coming to uncomfortable conclusions about the vets I use in Stockton; Angel is no better for a month's worth of antibiotics, and we're neither of us very happy.

Finally -- cyranocyrano, what are you doing hanging out in Bernal Heights these days?

Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Concrete Blonde - Still In Hollywood - "100 Games Of Solitaire"

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

[User Picture]
Date:November 14th, 2003 09:27 pm (UTC)
i think at the moment, my "kindnesses to myself" amount to:

physical comfort stuff, like having a pillow i really like

taking medication when i have anxiety attacks

and spending time with horses.

and yeah, i really do cast it in terms of kindness, or perhaps something like "cutting slack" or "priorities as if i got to pick 'em" :)
[User Picture]
Date:November 14th, 2003 09:41 pm (UTC)
Alas, I am kind to myself when I think I can afford it. Which is not often. And when I do, it tends to be a relaxing of standards, a forgiving and an allowance.

As far as Bernal Heights, have you seen the dog walking club? Yum! Plus it's closer to work.
(It was weird. The one day in the past five months I grab a Chron off a seat in the boarding area, and there's that photo on the cover.)
[User Picture]
Date:November 15th, 2003 09:23 am (UTC)
I hope you make an icon of that shot -- it's a nice one.
[User Picture]
Date:November 15th, 2003 09:51 am (UTC)


When I think of being kind to myself, it's not so much about doing things, as it is about emotional stuff. Mostly self-forgiveness.

I, being human (as far as we know), have a tendency to be far harsher on myself than the situation warrants. It's good, from time to time, to remind myself that people do seem to actually like me. That I have useful skills. That I'm highly intelligent, and that's a virtue. That I make other people's lives better. Stuff like that.

Of course, taking a bit of time off to do something fun is good too, particularly if (like is probably true for you) you often get too busy doing what you've committed to doing, and too rarely do what you want to be doing. Not too much - I'm sure you'd never accept yourself becoming a flake - but life tends to be about balance, and self-fulfillment is clearly part of that.

Good luck, you deserve it!
[User Picture]
Date:November 15th, 2003 01:47 pm (UTC)
On being good to oneself, I'll have to think about that. When I was feeling discouraged about school, my friend Miriam used to say that I should "apologize to myself" for not doing as well as I wanted to, or was able to. I'll write more about this in my journal, perhaps.

About boredom, what is it about chemistry that you find boring? Too repetitive? Would you find this aspect of chemistry boring in the day-to-day work of a vet? slfisher asked me once if I was bored by computer science. I didn't think so, but I suppose having to put a large Lisp program down because one's eyes are glazing over could be interpreted as a sign of boredom. (More on that in my journal.)

In general, I think it is difficult to do school and work at the same time, especially if you have to do a lot of traveling.

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