Ambar (ambar) wrote,

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we are all lined up

Up past my bedtime, so this will be short, but the brain has been full of thoughts and realizations over the last couple of days.

Explaining oneself to new acquaintances can be useful for the sudden jar of new versions of one's story about oneself. bellicaneko asked me tonight what I did with my horses, and without thinking very hard I said that I admired them and enjoyed them, but mostly I beat myself up about not riding them.

Whoof. Way to make light conversation.

Also had sudden realization (earlier, while escaping work) that I have a map of how poly "should" work for me, ideally, which is nothow it works. (Surprise!) And instead of just accepting "this is what and how I want", I argue with myself. Incessantly. Time to stop that.

Time to go to bed, too. New campus, new commute, 8am class... I'm jittering almost as badly as marith.

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