Explaining oneself to new acquaintances can be useful for the sudden jar of new versions of one's story about oneself. bellicaneko asked me tonight what I did with my horses, and without thinking very hard I said that I admired them and enjoyed them, but mostly I beat myself up about not riding them.
Whoof. Way to make light conversation.
Also had sudden realization (earlier, while escaping work) that I have a map of how poly "should" work for me, ideally, which is nothow it works. (Surprise!) And instead of just accepting "this is what and how I want", I argue with myself. Incessantly. Time to stop that.
Time to go to bed, too. New campus, new commute, 8am class... I'm jittering almost as badly as marith.